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Posts Tagged ‘goals’

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

Effective communication is the foundation for all satisfactory
relationships.  Daily communication is the only activity that has been
found to be common to all satisfying marital relationships.  Truthful
communication is the basis for the development of “basic trust” (the
primary emotion for healthy parent/child relationships).  Most all
leaders are gifted communicators.  Without successful communication,
we don’t become fully human.  Our language skills are what separates
us from all other species.

By the time we become adults, most of us have experienced (or have
personally developed) barriers to effective communication.  These
barriers distort/prevent our communication abilities.  Here are some
of the most common barriers to effective communication.

PASSIVITY. Communication requires energy. It requires initiation and
responsiveness. If you remain passive, communication is slow at best.

DOMINANCE. If you dominate the communication process, it becomes a
“one-way street”, and prevents responses. Domination may be by words,
behavior, tone, threat, perceived authority, or manipulation.

INAPPROPRIATE SELF-DISCLOSURE. Talking about yourself rather than
responding from yourself, usually changes the subject or focus of the
communication.

INTERROGATION OR GRILLING. Protecting yourself from meaningful
contact by any one of the following patterns:

 a.  Internal taboo against crying (emotional expression).
 b.  Talking exclusively about safe topics.
 c.  Avoiding your own uncomfortable issues.
 d.  Offering false reassurance.
 e.  Emotionally detaching from the topic or person.
 f.  Intellectualization (a common favorite).

USING CRUDE LANGUAGE. May be powerful, but usually turns others off.

USING JARGON. Using words that belong exclusively to your area of
expertise… “legalese”, medicalese,” or “psychologese.”

MORALIZING OR ADMONISHING. Imposing your own value judgments on
another’s verbalizations or telling another that s/he or the ideas are
wrong, bad, etc.

PATRONIZING. Condescending words, tone, or behavior as if you were
talking to a person of less value than yourself always makes the other
feel defensive and blocks communication.

INEPT CONFRONTATION. Arguing or being dogmatic in your language or
attitude.

PRESSURE TACTICS. Using threat, implied or explicit, to persuade the
other regarding the topic.

INSENSITIVITY TO FEELINGS. Being callous or unaware of your own
feelings as well as the other to whom you are communicating.

As you may have noted from all the above, there are many and varied
behaviors that hinder skillful communication.  As you become more
aware of such barriers, you have the opportunity to avoid engaging in
them.

In a future column, I will list a number of behaviors that
enhance/strengthen effective communication.

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Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area
presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical
Psychology”).  Initial coaching sessions are free.  E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

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By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

The best way to “reform the health care system” is to take full
responsibility for your “wellness.”  When you take charge of your own
wellness, you not only increase the prevention of illness, you also
optimize your health and well-being.  When you make wellness choices,
you also strengthen your own healing system.  We all have a healing
system.  There are a couple obvious indicators that this is true.  One
is the action of the “placebo effect,” which is when you “cure”
yourself from disease without the aid of any known medicine or
treatment.  A second fact that points to a healing system is that
there is no known illness from which at least some people have been
healed without any help outside their own bodies.  Your wellness
actions enhance your healing system.

The topic of “wellness” is an outgrowth of the realization that there
is more to being healthy than the absence of illness.  Like
“sickness,” wellness is difficult to define. Wellness in an ongoing
process of fully living. Here are some definitions/ideas about it.
WELLNESS IS:

A CHOICE — A decision you make to move toward optimal health.

A WAY OF LIVING — A lifestyle you design to achieve your highest
potential for your own well-being.

A PROCESS — A realization that you never “arrive” at optimal health,
but that health and happiness are evolutionary processes.

LIVING NOW — In the moment, the present time. Actually, the eternal
present is all we have ever directly experience anyway. So, you might
as well keep your awareness from moment to moment.

AN EFFICIENT CHANNELING OF ENERGY — We are an open energy system. We
receive food, air, water, and sensory input from the environment,
transform these within our bodies, anal send the energy out to affect
the world outside ourselves in the form of heat or movement.

THE INTEGRATION OF BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT — The appreciation that
everything you do, think, feel, and believe, has an impact on your
state of health. We are a unity. We are a part of the universe in
which we live. We cannot be broken up into parts and remain human.

LOVING ACCEPTANCE OF YOURSELF — Learning to love your whole self .

TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE — Becoming responsible for your own life,
living in the present, becoming aware of process, and channeling your
life-energy in all you think, feel, say, and do.

BREATHING, COMMUNICATING, EATING, PLAYING, WORKING, FINDING MEANING,
MOVING, TRANSCENDING, THINKING, SENSING, FEELING, CREATING, LIVING
FULLY EVERY MINUTE.

When you enhance your wellness choices/behaviors, you maximize your
enjoyment of being alive!

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Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

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